I Like Chips With Everything is an ‘alphabet’ poem that I wrote for children but that goes down extremely well with audiences of all ages, especially when performed enthusiastically.

It would make a great children’s book in itself.

I like chips with everything.
I like chips with anvils.
I like chips with acrobats
And amulets and ant-hills.

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I like chips with bandicoots.
I like chips with beaches.
I like chips with blips and bling
And baggy buckskin breeches.

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I like chips with chocolate.
I like chips with cheeses.
I like chips with chimneypots
And chintz and chimpanzees-es

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I like chips with dufflebags.
I like chips with diptychs.
I like chips with dado rails
And dirty diesel dipsticks.

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I like chips with esplanades.
I like them with eclipses.
I like chips with Ee-ba-gum
And emus and ellipses.

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I like chips with fripperies.
I like chips with foghorns.
I like chips with flittermice
And figs and flags and frogspawn.

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I like chips with guttersnipes.
I like chips with gannets.
I like chips with gramophones
And grot and grit and granite.

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I like chips with hippodromes.
I like chips with haddock.
I like chips with happy hens
All humming in a hammock.

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I like chips with Inuits.
I like chips with insects.
I like chips with irate imps,
An ibex and an index.

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I like chips with jackanapes.
I like chips with jockeys.
I like chips with jumbalaya,
Joists and jabberwockeys.

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I like chips with kettledrums.
I like chips with kisses.
I like chips with kinkajous,
And Malaysian knives called krisses.

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I like chips with licorice.
I like chips with loopholes.
I like chips with lorikeets
And liverworts and loo-rolls.

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I like chips with monkeynuts.
I like chips with midgets.
I like chips with marmosets
And mitts with missing digits.

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I like chips with numismatists.
I like chips with nougat.
I like chips with a noisy noise
Like ‘neeh-naah neeh-naah, nooh-naah’.

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I like chips with ombudsmen.
I like chips with outlaws.
I like chips with overcoats
And in-laws in them outdoors.

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I like chips with poltergeists.
I like chips with prizes.
I like chips with pachyderms
And hot puff pastry pies-es.

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I like chips with quadrangles.
I like chips with quinces.
I like chips with queasy queens
With quiffy, quibbly princes.

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I like chips with ramekins.
I like chips with rhubarb.
I like chips with rubbish dumps
And rat-and-raspberry roulade.

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I like chips with sherbert dips.
I like chips with Susan.
I like chips with silversmiths
And just my socks and shoes on.

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I like chips with telescopes.
I like chips with towels.
I like chips with trilobites
And trumps and tramps and trowels.

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I like chips with unicorns
And up-umbrellas too.
I like chips with underdogs,
And I like chips with U.

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I like chips with venison
And vinegar in vats.
I like chips with vibraphones
And vicious vampire bats.

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I like chips with walruses.
I like chips with whispers.
I like chips with wagon-wheels.
Cats likes chips with Whiskas.

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I like chips with X-rays, yachts,
And Zanzibaran birds...
They say that chips aren’t good for you –
But they’ve taught me lots of words.